It’s 2016, and somehow cords still exist, but at least we’re far enough into the future now that we can start opening all those time capsules buried by weird kids half a century ago.
And when I say weird kids, I mean 10-year-old Greg Lee Youngman, who started off his fourth grade time capsule letter with, "I am dead." What a legend.
The time capsule was uncovered by demolition workers this week on the grounds of the former Montgomery Elementary School in Albuquerque, and it contains a whole bunch of letters from its 1968 fourth grade class.
As Jeannie Nguyen from KRQE News reports, when former students heard that the site would be undergoing construction, they contacted local district officials to keep a look out for their time capsules.
So far only one has been found, but they say a few more are lurking in the ground somewhere.
But you’re not here for the specifics, you’re here for Greg Lee Youngman, right?
Here’s his amazing letter in full, and can we just say how disappointed he must be with the future, because forget hoverboards, why do we still have old-timey guitars?
"I am dead. I go to Montgomery School. That is the olden school name. I was born 1900. You auto now I dead. My favorite subject is spooking the police. I play the guitar. In case you don’t know what it is, it is board with strings on then. I am 10 years old. See you later savages."
No one’s been able to get in contact with Greg Lee Youngman or his relatives yet to see if he is in fact dead, or how he could have been born in 1900 but was still 10 years old in 1968, but wherever he is now, he’s forever in our hearts as the best 10-year-old ever. Please never stop spooking the police.
Another of the former students, Brad Clement (now 58) made it to the opening, and read his own letter out:
If there’s a lesson to be learned from all of this, it’s that we really should have gotten a bunch of 10-year-olds to write the intro letter of the 'Golden Record' time capsule that NASA launched with its Voyager 1 and 2 space probes back in 1977.
Because as if aliens wouldn’t get a kick out of being called savages.
The Albuquerque Public Schools system says it’s in the process of uploading all the letters, and they’ll be available to read in full on their website shortly.