One of the most romantic birds in the animal kingdom would have to be the penguin. In several species, if a male wants to impress a female, he will build a mound of little pebbles he's collected, stand on it, make himself look really big and puffy, and honk loudly at anything that comes past. Which… actually isn't all that romantic by our standards, RiAus points out in the latest episode of A Week in Science above, so it's best not follow the advice of penguins and stand outside your house yelling at everybody to try and get a date.
But if the alternative is emulating the dating strategies of the porcupine, well then maybe the penguin isn't a terrible option after all. Because before mating, the male porcupine will drench his mate in his own urine. If the female is ready for copulation, she won't object, but it won't do the males any favours if she wasn't that interested to begin with.
What about the lovely seahorse? The males will spend eight hours or so courting the female of their choice, and when they eventually hook up, they'll swim around with their tails intertwined. As part of the mating process, the male will take on the female's eggs, and will carry the offspring for six weeks. Which isn't exactly an option for humans, yet… so let's move on.
Single worst example of what you should try out on your loved one, or impossibly cute crush? The deep-sea anglerfish. "The females … are much larger than their male counterparts, which you'd think might be awkward when it comes to mating," says RiAus. But wait for it, it gets so much worse. Watch the video above to find out why anglerfish probably don't celebrate Valentine's Day.